I wrote a really long post a head of this about MY BIG DARK SAD, but this post morphed. So the TL;DR is that I have depression and it’s hard, but my support network and I are working on it. The big thing for me is managing expectations, both my own and others. I’ve been reading a lot about Spoon Theory lately, and have managed to explain to the CatLord that I only have so many spoons a day, and that sometimes I only have enough spoons to get out of bed and drink a glass of water, and some days I have enough spoons to violently clean my house AND make dinner. Eventually he got it, but the question was always “why spoons?”
And then one day, a coworker shared a tweet about DnD and spellslots. You see, a level 5 spellcasting type will have so many spells a day, and once those spells are used, you can’t get them back until you have a long or short rest. And like, that makes sense, but I guess it just depends on your audience let’s say you’re trying to explain this to your mom?
And then I thought about my mom. She’s an amazing human, taught me a lot about who I am and who I can be. Shes also stupid good at video games, and is on like level trillion of candy crush or something.
So like, in candy crush, you have 5 hearts to use, and each time you fail a level you lose a heart. Over time the heart comes back, but you have to wait, and once you’re out of hearts there’s really nothing you can do. You could ask for hearts from other people, but you wouldn’t want to impose.
Some days it’s just easy levels and you never run out of hearts, and sometimes you’re stuck on this one fucking level for weeks and there’s nothing you can do about it but keep trying. You can see all your friends surpassing you and it sucks but you just gotta keep on going.
So I guess what I’m trying to say is, I have a really hard level today, and I have no hearts left, but I see one coming soon and I’m really amped about that.
I’m a homebody on the best of days. I’d rather be curled up with my cats and Daisy, watching a crime drama. But today…I was stir crazy. I’ve been off work since October, being solo in my house Monday through Friday for the past 6 months has been…an adventure.
So anyways, I left the house. My intention was to buy groceries (a friend introduced me to the Mealime app, and now my life has CHANGED (again, not spon)), and to try to find one of those toothpaste tube squeezers. About 4 hours later I arrived back home with a bushel of goodies, AND an amazon delivery. I am #blessed.
Although I could not find a toothpaste tube squeezer anywhere.
Because depression and homebody-ness kind of go hand in hand, I like..don’t really cook anymore. I use to love cooking, but now that my energy level is at -100, unless I can boil something and dump a sauce over it, it’s not really happening anymore. But I used the mealime app, tried out a black bean burger and a beet, orange, walnut, and goat cheese salad – they were both delicious! I have enough for another salad tomorrow and I’m considering it for breakfast. To make both meals (they were suppose to be two meals but…I’m gluttonous) it took me 45 minutes, and probably about 15 of that was me feeding spinach to Daisy. I’m into the Mealime-ness. I think my only other challenge will be not buying a bunch of stuff that I won’t use (see previous post).
Anyways, a Shelter Thrift store was near by and I was looking for that weird plastic mesh crafting sheet to use as a DIY sprouting lid, and ended up finding some nice woven place mats, a bunch of fabric napkins, a hankie (embroidered for Betty, omg my heart), and two baby blankets I’m going to upcycle into some cotton rounds for the bathroom. It was a glorious day, all that fabric only cost me $4, and I’ve already put it all to use.
And then I went off to VV, and FOUND my weird plastic mesh thingy for m sprouter jars (VV always has them, I swear), a stock pot for $4 (to make some chicken stock + chow for Daisy), some mason jars for sprouting ( .25 each, I might have a problem) and a cute fake grass drying rack that I actually adore.
And then I got home to an amazon delivery of a Healthy Human hot/cold mug (<3), some reusable wooden ear cleany things & some silicon sandwich bags for CatLord.
Today wasn’t all that eventful, but when you stay at home talking to your cats all day, sometimes just leaving the house is exciting.
Thanks for reading and baring with me while I get everything organized.
xoxo – p
Hi. My name is Phaidra, I am a dog mom, and cat hostage of 3. I work in the helping profession by trade, but have recently been redirected to focus on myself (a daunting task). I’m passionate about housing, reducing carbon footprints, crafting and re-purposing, puzzling, and coffee.
I’m entering into my 30’s this year, which is completely fucking beyond my comprehension. Christopher, my CatLord, and I are getting married in October of this year in my hometown. We’re planning a lot of our wedding from scratch, which has led us down the dangerous road of DIYs, which will likely be posted here because that’s how you blog, right?
Along with lots of weird creations and re-purposing, I anticipate sharing a lot of our travels and day-to-day life here in the wintery tundra of Alberta. Much of which will likely not be too exciting, but hey, that’s life sometimes, isn’t it?