the day we spent

A bunch of things happened between here and the last time I wrote.

We lost my baby kitty boy Doppler to Kidney Failure. Right in the thick of all of the chaos. Was not a great time. We cried a lot.

And now we have Newton, who is a 12 pound ball of outer space. He’s an absolute monster next to Peebles with her summer haircut.

ADHD Assessment never happened because of c*vid, and though he’d never met me, the psychologist was suggesting I go on a mood stabilizer. Which sent me in another spiral that omg – what if I’m bipolar? Or borderline? Not that it would be the worst – just that I just needed someone to listen to me.
In the end, my doctor was unimpressed with this Doctor (after I told her that he wanted me to remove a medication that helped) and so we did some ADHD trial and error. Hey, whaddya know, I’ve been misdiagnosed my whole life – even though two other people in my immediate family have been diagnosed, and most depression medication didn’t do anything except for make me avoid intimacy. Thankssss.

We went and visited my family in BC for father’s day. We bubbled and basically just sat around and caught up. Then we went up and saw my brother, sister and my nephew more up north. I had a beautiful time, I’m just sad I wasn’t able to spend more time there with them. It was a long 15 hour drive each way, so it’s been nice to just chill.

Okay so, I have done therapy. And I’m a trained Social Worker. I’ve taken classes so I can help other people help themselves. And for some reason, I just have been unable to take the theories that I’ve learned and like, legitimately apply them. CBT – who’s she? So anyway, after neglecting myself and being unable to pull myself out of a funk, I got a life coach.
For some reason, Catlord has a thing against life coaches. Same kind of ‘tude that others in my life have had against medication, or talk therapy. But this coach has been incredibly helpful for me so far. She’s able to take all the things that I should be doing and help me organize my life so I can use all of my self-help/care & wellness skills that I already know and apply them to myself. Like compassion. Empathy. Ulgh. Dat burnout though.
So anyways, I’m 5 sessions in and I’m pretty happy with the results. Appropriate medication support and someone just helping me see my victories has been kinda life altering.

This week has been a bit strange mental health wise. Not in a bad way – just a stupid thing that happened. I ran out of my medication and called the pharmacy to get a refill of my script to last me until Friday (today). She said she had to contact my doctor’s office and would give me a call letting me know the next step. This was on Sunday. So anyways, Thursday rolls around, here I am, toughing it out without my SSRI medication and I suddenly became so violently ill.
I knew that it wasn’t c*vid because we had just gotten tested and received the results. It wasn’t a child because that ain’t happening. Looking up my symptoms and knowing that I was not on my SSRI for over 3 days, I was likely feeling SSRI “discontinuation” symptoms that would likely go away in a few hours after taking the missing medication. The TL;DR is that you shouldn’t miss your medications. I got scolded by my doctor and the nurse lady on health link for not being more stern with the pharmacy, and for not telling the pharmacist that I *needed* my medication **RIGHT THIS MINUTE**. Which yanno, as someone with anxiety and automatic guilt – caused me to spin out for a little while. Not super fun, would not recommend. 1/5 stars.

Anyways, I’ve been just sitting in my backyard watching the cats chase bugs and just living for this calm breeze. Earlier I spent a good two hours scrolling through tiktok on the floor with Tesla. And that’s on mental illness.

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